THE FOLLOWING SERIES OF BLOGS I AM ABOUT TO SHARE IS IN NO WAY INTENDED TO SPEW REACTIONS OR POINT BLAME TO THE ADULTS I INTERRACTED WITH DURING MY CHILDHOOD BE IT MY CAREGIVERS, TEACHERS OR ANY OTHER ADULT BACK THEN.
FORGIVENESS FOR WHAT OPENED UP WITHIN
THIS MEMORY.
The points I
just shared in my previous blog are based on what I consider as ONE memory. I refer to it as
one memory or the main memory but there are many more memories contained within
this main memory. I refer to it as the main memory because, I experienced it in
my childhood ever and over again the same way, i.e., the playout of the abuse
was the similar most of the time even though the scenarios or circumstances
were different. The adult’s behaviors were very similar and their words too
were almost the same, day in day out and this is why I see it as one memory
even though there are lots of memories within it.
I shall walk
self-forgiveness for the reactions and mental points that opened up within the
initial writing of this memory and from there, continue with sharing other
memories that stand out in my entire childhood after which I shall share, how
all these memories as the abuse/fear contained within them shaped who I am
today as an adult and why I have come to realize that, the initial first 7
years of a child’s life are crucial in shaping the child’s adulthood years and
therefore very important to ensure that we as parents, teachers, caregivers
really support children to become the best they can be by ending the cycles of
the sins of our fathers.
FORGIVENESS for THE ABUSE.
The one that
abused me: here I refer to, my parents, aunties, uncles, grandparents, teachers
as well as all the other adults that directly or indirectly abused me. The
abuse here would be: physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse as well as verbal
abuse. These were the 3 main forms of abuse that I faced almost every single
day in my childhood.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing the point abuse to exist
within and as themselves.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to belief that,
abusing a chi8ld/children is a normal way of treating a child.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves get trapped within
their mental belief systems and programs the lead them to abusing me or other
children.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to never question
their beliefs or actions towards me and other children in regards to abuse.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting allowing themselves to belief that,
abusing a child is the best way to teach them/discipline them.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to never try to
find other solutions/ways to discipline me or other children, ways that did not
involve abuse and violence.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to not see,
realize and understand that, all the abuse they lived out towards me and other
children never solved anything but rather created immense fear within me as
well as within other children.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves not to see realize
and understand that, their abuse towards me and other children was as a result
of them being abused as children as well and that, none of them ever stopped to
question this abuse and find better ways of relating to children, ways that do
not involve abuse and violence.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to verbally abuse
me and other kids by using words in an abusive way. From within this, I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves not to see and
realize that, when they abused children using words, this just showed the
extent of their nature as who they are as abusers and from within this, I
forgive the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves not to
see, realize and understand that, they already copied and accepted the abuse of
words onto themselves and that projected their self-abuse to me and other
children.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to abuse
themselves, then project their self-abuse onto us children.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to accept the sins
of our fathers as normal and thus became and lived as these sins all the while,
never stopping to question this cycle of the sins of our fathers and what we
can do to stop it on an individual and collective level.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to physically
abuse me and other children so extensively that I was at times hospitalized.
From within this, forgive the one that abused me for not seeing realizing and
understanding the extent to which physical abuse petrified me and the
consequences thereof.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves to belief that,
when I feared them or when other children feared them, it was a symbol of
respect for them as adults.
I forgive
the one that abused me for accepting and allowing themselves not to see,
realize or understand that, as a child, I did not really fear them as adults,
but I feared who they were as adults and what they were capable of doing to me
as who they were as human beings/adults.
Commitment statements
I commit
myself to assist and support myself to learn from the abuse I went through from
those that abused me and put a stop/an end of such cycles of abuse towards
children or others.
I commit
myself to assist and support myself to step out and beyond the veil of blaming
those that abused me/other children by playing VICTIM OF ABUSE for I realize
that, playing victim is based on self-interest and will not assist and support
me nor others in walking the process of bringing an end to abuse.
I commit
myself to assist and support others through my writing as the sharing of my
story of abuse and how it shaped who I am today as an adult/as a parent and how
I came to realize that, any form of abuse towards children is actually a
reflection of abuse that we are already constantly and continuously going
through within ourselves and that is in one way or another related to our
childhood experiences in regards to being abused in one way or the other , and when
we abuse children in any way, it is a projection of this self-abuse and that
this is how we keep the cycle of abuse alive.
I forgive
the teachers for accepting and allowing themselves to cane me and other
children so bad that we bled.
I forgive
the teachers for accepting and allowing themselves to participate within their
yelling, screaming and shouting in anger at me and other children.
I forgive
the teachers for accepting and allowing themselves to exert verbal and
emotional abuse towards me and other children.
I commit
myself to assist and support myself to show and prove to myself as well as
others that, abuse can be stopped and that, abuse is not a NORMAL part of life.
